out of guiltville [i wish i could]

the biggest challenge in my new job is to instruct a group of veterans whose experiences medical lab facilities for decades while myself is the youngest officer in the hospital, with the most little knowledge anyone can imagine. do you ever understand how big the gap is here??

i 'd learned a lot about quality from previous working place that i can practice here, but i prefer my suggestions being delivered through orang tengah - the another one sc officer. all these are because i dont have a gut to give a single instruction to my staffs to do things that i want. i no coward, but i do this because i worry if they misunderstand me, feeling hurt by my unwell-arranged words or my misunderstood tone of voice.

but today i did my best to do so. ergh it's terrible inside mannn... when the staff [later will be refered as she] help me settle things that i asked her to, i fall down in guiltiness.. she is someone who is not supposed to do it if it wasn't under my instruction [yet she is the leader of the rest], but she did it without a word of complaint. Lord what am i doing? show me if it's wrong, because i'm in guiltville now.. take me out..